Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
