hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
