He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
