The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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