he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
