i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
