I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
