i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
