We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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