i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
