see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
