i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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