You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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