i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
