i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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