paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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