Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
