The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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