She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
