He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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