Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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