Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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