I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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