I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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