Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
