Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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