you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize