I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
