"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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