We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We need to get me chipped asap
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
