I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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