the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
