Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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