I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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