so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
