I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
