so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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