Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
