I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
