I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
