My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
