Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize