I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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