This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
