I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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