when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
