he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
