I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
