mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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