I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
