I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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