if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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