Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
