there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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