I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
