Midget sex pt 2 tonight
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
