While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
