Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
