she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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