Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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