At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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