I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The ass gains better be worth it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
