Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
