I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
40s are totally the cure
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize