I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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