Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
