I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
