Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
