i would punch a child for taco bell
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
