i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize